“Things My Children Have NOT Learnt In Homeschooling This Week”
Courtesy of the Peter and Jane Facebook page [
] and my friend [who is a teacher]
P S : for ‘Mother’, I know from hard won experience, one can as appropriate substitute ‘Father’.
Things My Children Have NOT Learnt In Homeschooling This Week Despite My Best Efforts-
• That toilet rolls do not magically grow on the holders, but in fact have to be placed there by human hand.
• The difference between being bored, and being hungry.
• The location of the laundry basket.
• That saying ‘But I can’t find it, Mum!’ is NOT the same thing as ACTUALLY LOOKING FOR IT.
• That it is in fact possible to use less than three plates, four knives, five forks and six glasses while making themselves YET ANOTHER FUCKING SNACK.
Things My Children HAVE Successfully Learnt In Homeschooling This Week-
• How to play an excellent game of Bin Jenga, carefully balancing objects atop it, because heaven forfend they should empty the bastarding thing.
• How to eat an entire block of cheese in thirty seconds, that their loving mama was planning on making something delicious for dinner with.
• The creative and underappreciated art of portmanteau swearing (where you couple obscenities together to create new and exciting words to express yourself with- eg ‘What buggeringbollockarse ate the fucktwatting cheese I needed for the bastardwhore dinner?’).
• Where the chocolate biscuits are hidden.
• How to make a pretty fine gin and tonic to distract their mother from all of the above points.
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